The dynamic between men and women have long confounded, well, everyone. Because it's confounding. How can two creatures, so similarly designed in the likeness of God, have no idea what the other ones about? How is it that we don't know how to communicate with one another? Chimps, lions, whales, naked mole rats....they all know the dynamic between male and female - it seems to be almost part of their DNA. They don't have to reason or make decisions about the opposite sex. Their dynamic is set up: mating season starts, female goes into heat, male jumps female (pardon the vulgarity).
Luckily, God didn't make us like the animals. He gave us the ability to choose and love and choose to love. Believe me, I'm glad I'm not a wild animal, but it's interesting that they know while we have no earthly idea as to what is up. So often I wish that the Bible was written like a "handbook" on how to date - "God's Guide to Dating for Dummies", but it's not. Solomon (horndog extraordinaire) lets us know how he and his lady got together. If some guy told me that my navel was like a goblet, I don't know that I'd be able to resist that. =)
But I digress...
These thoughts started recently when a friend and I were talking on the phone. It was apparent that he knows diddly about me and probably women in general. He's been talking about how when I see him, I'm going to find him so attractive that I'll just be all up over that. That is just a very male way to think about things. Which is fine. Because he is a guy.
I'm a girl. Although, I'm often called "one of the boys" and have likened myself to a "gay man trapped in a woman's body."
I may understand how guys work but I feel the need to enlighten you men out there a little bit about the complexities of the woman brain. This is all gross generalizations, but it's based on my experiences. So I feel ok talking about. If you don't like it, stop reading. =)
Experience has revealed to me that men are drawn to women based on the level of their physical attraction. Guys go ga-ga over gorgeous girls (wow! That was quite the alliteration!) - we all know it's true. They see a good-looking girl and THEN become enamoured.
Women, on the other hand, usually (not always) take a slightly different approach. We may or may not find some guy initially attractive, but over time they change their perspective. How many stories do you know that end up where its the "best friend" that gets the girl? The one who was there for her?
Granted, inital attraction is there. Just this week, I saw some guy at work. He was GORGEOUS! It was as if surfer had met metro had met awesome and the three elements to combine a love child that was this guy. (Sadly, he's married.) But for a day or two, I was in love. Because of inital attraction.
I like to think, however, that had Mr. Yummy turned out to be a butt-face, I would have been done with that. (Although, look at some of the guys I've dated.) And most women that I know are like that too.
Men, this is for you:
Women aren't like you. We don't think like you, we don't reason the same ways you do and, as frustrating as it is, we take different routes to get to the same place. If you want to impress a girl, rarely do you have to be the hottest/buffest/sytlish guy we know. Please still shower, but it's not all about that. Listen to us, ask us how we are, take time to really get to know us. The more you invest, the better off you'll be. Don't take this as a guarentee that she'll fall for you, however. But knowing this and practicing this makes your chances better.
Girls, this is for you:
Men aren't like you. Recently, I shattered the illusion that my sister had of men. I told her that (many) men are simply trying to get into your pants and will use whatever means necessary to get there. I told this to my 16-year-old sister who has to deal with 16-year-old males and I think we can all agree that 16-year-old, hormone-driven guys really do just want one thing. It was a warning to her. And other 16-year-olds. For you that are NOT 16, not all men are like this. I know a tremendous amount of men who are wonderful, respectful, caring, and good that I trust wholeheartedly - and they aren't just the exceptions to a general rule. There are good guys; there are bad guys. Figure out the difference. If a guy has a shady repuation, there's probably a reason for it. Be on your guard; not to the point of closing yourself off or being hostile, but be careful. A woman's heart is a delicate and tender thing. Rarely do men understand the worth of your heart or know how to care for it.
Yes, I am speaking from personal experience. Maybe I'm the only one that this affects or that thinks this way, but this is my blog so I can say whatever I want. =)