Thursday, July 31, 2008

A little "home"sick

I miss Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper's...

I miss Cherry Limeades and Coney's...

I miss being warm...

I miss frozen custard concrete goodnesses...

I miss my other home...

I never thought I'd love the Midwest, but I do...
What are you homesick for right now?

Monday, July 21, 2008

God is so funny....

For the last several months (and really throughout my whole life), I've complained about God's silence concerning what I think are big life decisions. If I could pick how God communicated to me, I would have Him re-write the Bible as a "God's Plan for Sarah's Life" book. Not as applicable to anyone else, but would work for me.

God is a lot bigger than what I think He should be, though. And it both awes and cracks me up at the same time.

On Friday I was unofficially offered a permanent position at the place I'm temping. It is a substantial increase in pay and it has benefits. And for a gal with no insurance it sounds really great! Not five minutes after this conversation, I got in my car to go home and started praying about it. And as soon as I verbalized all the really great things that could happen if I took this job, I distinctly heard the Lord say to me, "Don't you trust Me?" To which I had to respond, " Do You know me?"

After all these months of being (seemingly) quiet about my future, He responds to one idea with "Trust Me - I've got it taken care of."

"But God...I don't have insurance. What if something happens to me?"

"Trust Me."

"God, I could pay off my debts so much quicker. And You don't want me to have debt."

"Trust Me."

"God, I'd be able to vanpool for a minimal fee, thus saving mileage and gas. And gas is out the butt right now."

"Trust Me."

I realized (not so much in the moment, but later) that God talked to me. As much as I've said/complained lately about how little He's telling me, there He still is, giving me direction. He's just being choosy about what He says. I think I just want a God who is as verbose as I am (a scary thought!).

It's encouraging to know, however, that when I ask for direction, whether or not I hear a yes, He won't steer me in the wrong direction. Unless I disobey He won't let me do something that isn't inside His big picture plan. And right now I just have to trust Him to continue taking care of that. Insurance or not.

Which leads into the second funny/God-thing that happened today, in fact.

I was reading a blog this morning and the author was talking about how often he wishes God would speak audibly and give us very specific directions as to what He wants us to do (enter my interest). It went on to say that if God gave us said specific directions, like a map, how much more likely we would be to tell God "Hasta!" and rely solely on our little Google map and directions, rather than Him.

WHAM! Like a ton o' bricks! I would do that without a second look back. "Thanks God for the map! I got this taken care of! See ya later!" And God, being God, knows this and doesn't even want to give me that opportunity. Of which (some days) I am grateful. Even in His silence, He's still there, helping me learn to trust, encouraging me to keep listening. That's a good God, a good Abba.

Let's hope that since I know this, maybe I'll give Him a break from my whining. Maybe... =)

Almost as soon as I was finished writing this post, my boss called me into her office to "officially" offer me the position. Could God be testing me? Tune in to find out. =)

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Baby-sitting is not my strong suit....

Which is an understatement.

The other day, I watched my friend's little 3-yr-old for a couple hours. Three hours to be exact. That's all. I've spent more time with her just hanging out, but things were different when it was just me and Emily alone.

It started off alright. We watched some "Gilmore Girls", read a book, went for a walk. Then...things got weird.

Emily started repeating my name over and over and over and over and over...., then started yelling to watch some show that I had no idea what it was or where to find it. The child had gone crazy it seemed.

No, no. It was all me. I had no idea how to entertain a little girl for more than an hour and 1/2. I tried "Wow Wow Wubbzy" and "Blue's Blues", but it didn't work. She was climbing all over me and I was done. DONE!

How sad is that? That I couldn't watch my little Mexidorian baby for more than 2 hours without wanting to never have kids?

Wow! The new birth control.... BABYSITTING! =) Sure is workin' for me....

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

"If Only"

Yesterday I was reading a blog on saying the phrase "If Only". You should read it but basically it was about how we love to use the phrase "If only" seemingly to justify our actions or thoughts towards our circumstances.

"If only I had a better job/car/wife/roommate/sibling/parent...., I'd be better/happier/more succesful/less susceptible to temptation/satisfied."

This is just rotten thinking, but we all do it. I know I get caught in the web of thinking that if my circumstances were different then I'd be different.

But I got to thinking last night about how easy it is to use "If only" retrospectively.

"If only I'd taken that job/hadn't dated that person/listened to that advice/bought that thing..."

Maybe those things are all true. Maybe those things should or shouldn't have happened. However, it's easy to wallow in the past, to keep kicking yourself about things that can't be changed now.

My problem is that I tend to think that my mistakes rock God's plan (not in a good way):

"If only I'd not done______ or had done ______ like He told me to, then I'd be in His will now/ (or worse yet) He'd love me more."

I have a very small grasp on the greatness of God's mercy. However, from the little I comprehend, His love for us, His sheer delight in His children is not contingent upon our actions or lack of them. Yes, He wants us to obey and to follow His voice. And yes, there are consequences to the decisions we make, but His mercy extends past it.

It's an easy trap to get caught in and it's one I find myself bear-clawed in more often than not. But the Lord continues to reveal His faithfulness, His grace, His lovingkindness in my life. And hooray for us that those things are not predicated on what we think.

If God doesn't dwell in "If only...", why should we?