For the last several months (and really throughout my whole life), I've complained about God's silence concerning what I think are big life decisions. If I could pick how God communicated to me, I would have Him re-write the Bible as a "God's Plan for Sarah's Life" book. Not as applicable to anyone else, but hey...it would work for me.
God is a lot bigger than what I think He should be, though. And it both awes and cracks me up at the same time.
On Friday I was unofficially offered a permanent position at the place I'm temping. It is a substantial increase in pay and it has benefits. And for a gal with no insurance it sounds really great! Not five minutes after this conversation, I got in my car to go home and started praying about it. And as soon as I verbalized all the really great things that could happen if I took this job, I distinctly heard the Lord say to me, "Don't you trust Me?" To which I had to respond, "Um...no. Do You know me?"
After all these months of being (seemingly) quiet about my future, He responds to one idea with "Trust Me - I've got it taken care of."
"But God...I don't have insurance. What if something happens to me?"
"God, I could pay off my debts so much quicker. And You don't want me to have debt."
"God, I'd be able to vanpool for a minimal fee, thus saving mileage and gas. And gas is out the butt right now."
I realized (not so much in the moment, but later) that God talked to me. As much as I've said/complained lately about how little He's telling me, there He still is, giving me direction. He's just being choosy about what He says. I think I just want a God who is as verbose as I am (a scary thought!).
It's encouraging to know, however, that when I ask for direction, whether or not I hear a yes, He won't steer me in the wrong direction. Unless I disobey He won't let me do something that isn't inside His big picture plan. And right now I just have to trust Him to continue taking care of that. Insurance or not.
Which leads into the second funny/God-thing that happened today, in fact.
I was reading a blog this morning and the author was talking about how often he wishes God would speak audibly and give us very specific directions as to what He wants us to do (enter my interest). It went on to say that if God gave us said specific directions, like a map, how much more likely we would be to tell God "Hasta!" and rely solely on our little Google map and directions, rather than Him.
WHAM! Like a ton o' bricks! I would do that without a second look back. "Thanks God for the map! I got this taken care of! See ya later!" And God, being God, knows this and doesn't even want to give me that opportunity. Of which (some days) I am grateful. Even in His silence, He's still there, helping me learn to trust, encouraging me to keep listening. That's a good God, a good Abba.
Let's hope that since I know this, maybe I'll give Him a break from my whining. Maybe... =)
Almost as soon as I was finished writing this post, my boss called me into her office to "officially" offer me the position. Could God be testing me? Tune in to find out. =)