Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Talk Thursday // President Sarah, Year 2035

In the year 2035, somehow the American people elected a crazy gal named Sarah Lewis (if she's married, she kept her last name). It was a huge upset for the electoral process (even though there are flying cars, they still can't get ballots right in Florida), but the nation has rallied behind the new legislatures put forward by President Sarah. Enjoy a taste of what 2035 looks like:

1. All Venetian blinds have been discarded for the "naked window" look and Venetian blinds have been syphoned off for use in glue making factories (we're still not sure about the effectiveness of this process).
2. When there is a sunny day in the Puget Sound area, the 'meds & feds' take the afternoon off; everyone else has the morning off.
3. Higher education costs for middle-low class demographics are 70% paid for by millionaires who can easily foot that bill.
4. Credit cards are not sent willy-nilly to people under 40, unless they have a specific need or can demonstrate effective and positive money-managing skills.
5. For every $10 donated to an animal shelter/animal rights group, $6 of that goes to human trafficking or clean water organizations in under-developed countries.
6. Movie tickets cost $4.50 and movie theatre food is no longer highway robbery. But all you can get is popcorn and JuJuBees.
7. The Seahawks are now "America's Football Team" and most people have already forgotten about the Cowboys and the Pats. And the Steelers franchise was disbanded President Sarah's first day in office.
8. Waiting at the DMV is no longer necessary for car registration; this can now happen at your local 7-11.
9. Divorces are allowed only after a 18-month waiting period in which counseling is required and state-funded.
10. Only one commercial is allowed to be played per 20 minute increment of television.
Exceptions to this rule are the hamster/Kia commercials. Because those are hilarious.
11. For churches to keep their tax-exempt status, they have to share their resources with other churches in their denomination within a 50-mile radius.
12. You cannot change lanes in the middle of an intersection. Or on a bridge. Or in the middle of a hallway. (This last one isn't for cars; it's for people. Cause that's just annoying.)
13. Sex Ed classes are reserved for children 11+. If a child needs a sex ed class earlier for some reason, this must be a group class with parents, child & teacher.
14. A prerequisite for graduation for high school seniors is watching "Ferris Bueller's Day Off."
15. Females who dress like they cannot afford an entire outfit will be given a new wardrobe care of First Baptist Podunk Town, USA.

This is what I envision would happen if I were ever President of these-here United States.
If you were elected President, what new laws would you enforce? What would your lobby-hobby horses be? =)
This idea was done in part thanks to And also because we haven't Talk Thursday-ed in a while. (Yes, that's now a verb.) =)


Anonymous said...

Not surprised by #7 at all... first things first in the Oval Office! ;)

For #6, can there also be Goobers or Raisinettes, please, for me, your favorite roommate? Oh, and what about something to drink with my popcorn? It makes me so parched.

Why isn't #9 already a requirement? Get rid of that no-fault divorce nonsense and substitute this instead!

And finally, I'm guessing that #13 was inspired by my discovery yesterday for my kiddos in town... Seriously who thinks starting sex ed classes at 9 is really that great of an idea? Come on people!

Sarah Lewie said...

Adina, of course #7 had to happen. It just wouldn't be a Sarah Lewis presidency if I didn't have the power to oust the Steelers and up the awesome for the Seahawks. =)

And yes, #13 was TOTALLY inspired by Jessa. That's just crazy!

zdbuya said...

Firstly, I must address one major problem with your list. Presidential elections take place every 4 years... on even numbered years... therefor no-one can elect you in 2035.

That being said, I also have a huge problem with #11. Not because it is a bad idea, but because the government can not have this kind of say in how churches operate. That would be frightening to think the government would exert that kind of control over how our churches operate.

Also number 3, sorry, but I think there are better uses for those millionaires money than higher ed bills.

That being said, here are mine, adding in #'s 4,9, 14 of Sarah's:
1. Reduce the salary of all elected officials to the average salary of a middle class earner based on the averages of 2 years previous.

2. Place a percentage cap on how much more CEO's can make (including incentives and bonuses) over the lowest paid workers in their organization.

3. All government is held accountable to every law and or bill that is passed. No exemptions (i.e. health care and taxes)

4. Reduce the ease of access to abortions as well as increase education of what exactly abortion does to the woman's body and psyche.

5. Work to make copyright and licensing laws standard internationally to ease access of and to foreign media

6. Require all news agencies to cover at least one positive story for every negative, and to place them alternately, not all lumped together at the end.

7. All government jobs come with community service hours to be completed attached to them.

8. Require all business models (that fall under government regs)to increase vacation time for all employees.

9. Establish a Nationwide Sabbath. Only emergency and essential businesses (police, fire, health, electricity, water) are allowed to operate, and no worker can work two Sabbaths in a row.

10. Change welfare - less red tape and higher accountability

11. Make English the national language; but provide incentives for cultural and linguistic preservation

12. Stricter gun control laws with higher penalties for those who break them as well as those who do not enforce them properly (including the government - see #3)

13. Greater information and education on sustainable living.

14. More incentives for alternative modes of transportation

15. Create a cleaner, faster, and more efficient public transportation infrastructure for all America

16. Raise awareness of and create more barriers to the trafficking of human lives in America, and then worldwide.

17. Make all prostitution illegal, including but not limited to escort services, porn, strip clubs.

18. Pour Military spending into the development of non-lethal incapacitating weapons for all levels of military as well as law enforcement.

19. Repeal the death penalty nationwide

20. Make parole impossible for all violent offenders, including sexual offenders

21. Allow for civil unions, government recognized with all the benefits of marriage, not only for gay couples, but also for hetero non-religious couples.

22. More protection for Churches who do not want to perform same sex marriages.

23. Perpetuate the push for global nuclear disarmament.

I'm sure there are more I'm forgetting, but that's my short list. :-D