Wednesday, September 10, 2008

The Green-Eyed Monster Strikes Again

Does anyone else ever have this experience?

Imagine, you're sitting with a friend, enjoying a nice frappucino from the 'Bucks, talking about the day, the weather, your feelings on the latest episode of American Idol, when your friend mentions something about an awesome thing they did/are going to do and SUDDENLY, without warning, you are FLOODED with feelings of jealousy and envy. (Sorry about that ridiculously long sentence.)

I have been getting those feelings a lot lately.

Recently a friend moved out to Seattle with another friend. She has a cute little apartment, with her friend, in a new neighborhood, close to her job. I cannot tell you how much I covet that little apartment.

A few months ago, a different friend called to tell me she'd bought her wedding dress. She's one of my dearest friends and the first thought, before "Congratualtions and tell me all about it!" was "Damn...why isn't that me??"

And just today, yet another friend told me about tentative plans to travel and I just want to hide in her suitcase and go with her.

I didn't know I was such a jealous person. And I hate it. I don't want to be a jealous person. I want to be someone who celebrates with other people over the good in their lives. At least do that before I allow myself to wallow in the restlessness that is my life right now.

And really, Paul doesn't help.

"Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." (Phil. 4.11-13)

Great, just great. Now I'm jealous that Paul figured out contentment, but I don't know it.

Argh....when will I learn?


Michael Gilley said...

Jealous of Paul huh? Interesting. 8•)

Here's a little secret that no one wants you to know, just about everyone goes through this. The grass always is greener on the other side isn't it? One of my pastors a couple of weeks ago gave a monumental sermon on suffering. He expressed somethings that I've never heard and if they were original to him, which I highly doubt, he made some great headway in the reality of suffering, or pain, or setbacks, and etc. Basically, he described it as baking a cake like his mother used to do. It requires many ingredients, non of which most people don't hunger for. "Mmmm, I want me a stick of butter!" But put them all together and... well, you get the idea. While it wasn't the analogy that really spoke to me it was the overall ethos of the man's speech pushed with the pathos of his own experiences and the experiences of other people. Why is it so hard for us to look past our noses? Why can't we see all the ingredients that are making something great, something we may not even get to see in our lifetimes? Is that wisdom that comes with old age, security, and patience? Or is it faith that holds in the hope that such a process is being completed in me? Why is it that I believe that I would be so much better off if only I had that other thing or if I was that other person? Could it not be said that such thinking is close to if not the root of sin? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord who has delivered us!

Good thoughts.

JD & Jen said...

i was at the zoo once.

i saw an elephant standing in a pen of dust and elephant poop.

it was sticking his trunk through the fence to eat the grass on the other side.

the fence was electrified.

moral? sometimes it might just be best to stay where you are, because if you go too far, you'll get fried.

good thoughts. (sorry gilley)

Candace said...

Your honesty is a blossom.

I struggle with that too. There is another new grad student at CU who seems perfect to me - she has apparently studied Shakespeare in London with the most influential Shakespeare people in the world. I'm like, oooo why wasn't that me?

The green-eyed monster is so ugly. Why do we give in to him? Sheesh. ;o)

TenaciousT said...

i get those moments all the freakin time... seriously