Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Chomping at the Bit

I love figures of speech (FIG's, if you will). And this one is my new favorite expression. Mostly because I feel like I am doing just that. Although, in doing so, I'm metaphorically a horse. Which may or may not be a great thing...
At any rate....

Have you ever been in a place where you feel...purposeless? I don't even know if that's a real word, but that's how I feel.
I file.
I play online.
I go to bed.
I file.
I play online.
I go to bed.
Over and over and over and over and over......

I complain about not having time that's "my own", but honestly, I don't know what I'd do if I had that time. I have nothing to work on. No papers to write, nothing to prepare for, no agenda to keep.

So, I live "chomping at the bit", pining for a project or a purpose. (That was lot of 'p's...) I read tons of books with nowhere to file that information. And if I write papers without a class behind it, I just look like a dork.

And it wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't already been feeling this for over a year now.

God, don't You have a plan? Isn't there something I could be doing? If there is, can You please show me? Cause I'm tired of resting. I'm ready to rock the casbah. Let's kick this pig!


JD & Jen said...

i know how you feel. even though i'm still in school, i feel like i'm not doing anything but going to class and sitting around. and probably it's because that's all that i am doing. i still haven't been able to find work, i am having trouble finding a church within decent driving distance to work at, and i feel like my prayers go unanswered. and it's been nothing but that since we moved here almost two years ago. sometimes it makes me feel like perhaps we shouldn't be in kansas city or at seminary; and i keep telling myself that that's just the enemy talking. but still the feeling persists. and another cycle begins.

now that school has started again, i can at least take my mind off the depressing fact that i can't find a job.

Michael Gilley said...

Might I suggest Qoheleth (Ecclesiastes). We are going through it right now in Writings. ; )

Oh Sarah, you should take joy in the simplest things in life. How long has it been since you went to the nearest sonic or gas station and gotten a vanilla dp? Perhaps, you should drive on a whim down to LA and visit someone you know who lives there. hmmmm Or you could go take random pictures and then print them all off and try to put them together as though they were a puzzle. You can never beat a blanket, glass of ice cream (yes, glass) and really good, comical movie. I don't know, just some thoughts. These are the things I would suggest if you were hear or if I was there.

call sometime! it's been too long

lars shalom said...

sure rock it!! please enjoy my blog, some heavy stuff, included

Anonymous said...

I feel your pain my friend. While I've not been "purposeless" for as long as you, not having a job for a couple months now is still trying.

I get up, I sit on the computer, play games, surf the net, go to bed... etc, etc.

I've recently taken up an exercise routine to get me focused on something else. Also, I keep telling myself to work on writing something, again another focus besides the "woe is me."

While you don't have nearly as much personal time as I do, the principle of focusing your mind on something else can help. Maybe if you just take a half-hour everyday to do something creative, or focused. Heck, I think reading the Bible might fit into that picture, which ought to be something I'm doing too. Give yourself an activity and a goal. All the rest, while it might take up most of your time (and pay the bills), isn't nearly as important.