On Why Stephen Colbert is Smarter Than Me

Any long-time reader of my blog knows that I love Stephen Colbert and The Colbert Report.

At least, until he unintentionally makes me think.

I've been doing my best the last few months (years, really, but months especially) to not think. I already have to think about school and homework and church and my family and friends and my future and my past and cheese and Facebook. I don't really want to have to truly, deeply and intentionally have to think about politics. And how my actions are important. And how the actions of others who have political sway are important. It would be significantly more appealing to me to sit in my house watching Comedy Central on my computer and translating Jonah instead of seeing how much of a craphole this country is in and how millions domestically and abroad are in need and suffering and acknowledging how little difference I am making. That would be much better for me. I don't feel as responsible then.

However, as per usue, God refuses to let this happen. Which is why I've spent the better part of 2 months ignorning Him too.

Watching The Colbert Report today got to me. Stephen has been granted his SuperPAC and on the show posed the question to a political analyst - what to do with that money? It came down to: what does the SuperPAC stand for? Colbert challenged the members of the SuperPAC, of which I am one, to go to his website and help him decide what the members of the PAC stand for in order for him to figure out what to do with the money he receives.

Well, as a loyal member of the Colbert Nation, I went to the website to give my $.10 (figuratively, not literally (please, like I'm gonna give .10. It costs more than that just for the debit transaction)). As I read the phrase "What do you stand for?" it hit me that I don't know.

I don't know what I stand for.

I mean, I have values. I love Jesus. I love people. I love the Bible. I want people to know about Jesus and know His truth.

And I think that's good. Jesus wants me to do that.

But I don't think that just loving someone with my words is enough. I say I love people, but am I advocating for anyone? Do I spend ANY amount of time or money or even clearly thought out verbiage on anything remotely resembling ACTION?

The sad answer is no. I don't. And I have to think that means that I don't know what I stand for. Not completely on a religiously-inclined basis. But on a social one.

Do I stand for equality and social rights? Do I stand for fair trade? Do I stand for more available access to education and jobs? Do I stand against poverty and discrimination? If so, how do I do that? And how do I put all of those things into practice alongside, intertwined with my Christian faith?

Stephen Colbert, you are smarter than me. For a whole litany of reasons, but right now because you're asking a community of people to determine what they stand for and then to prove it. You may be doing it for a comedy bit, but it hit home with me. I'm annoyed by that.

I may be smart enough to do it. But I'm tired enough to not want to.

And that's the Word.

Spirals

Discouragement is the vacuum of life.

But not in a cleanliness way.

It sucks out all joy.

All hope.

All possibility.

Discouragement drains the soul, leaving despair in it's wake.

Despair enables a negative perspective on everything.

Nothing is going...

Can go...

Or will go right.

No one can empathize.

And no one can understand.

Despair leads to a lack of faith.

In ourselves...

In our futures...

In our presents...

In God.

And once we've lost that....

We've lost it all.

Alrighty Sports Fans!

Well, I bought my first set of Discs yesterday. No no...not compact discs or clay discs...Disc Golfing Discs. I've officially joined the ranks of those who would rather spend their sunny afternoon tramping through a forest so laced with the scent of marijuana you get a contact high from a tree rather than those who would rather spend their sunny afternoons getting a tan in the backyard. I'm not sure yet how I feel about that...contact highs or melanoma....


Anyway, I bought 3 discs - a Fairway Driver (Leopard), a Mid-Range (Shark!!!), and a Putter. I'll be real with you fine folks: I'm not good, but I'm FAR from terrible. So there's hope yet.


Jon Acuff says that Disc Golf (or Frisbee Golf) is God's favorite sport. Which would make a lot of sense since it was played all over our small Southern Baptist college campus. Or not a lot of sense....? But everyone in our church plays. And we're only Southern Baptist by affiliation, not practice. Maybe Frisbee Golf isn't God's favorite sport, but rather it was Dwight L Moody's? (I know I get those two confused sometimes too.) =)





So let me ask: do ya'll play disc golf? Do you even care about disc golf? Are you going to slap me in the face for interchanging the words Frisbee and Disc?





Happy Spring, kids!

Ponderings

In the last few weeks, I've had the opportunity to be on the receiving end of several wildly incomprehensible gifts. My parents provided for me to go on a skiing trip (my first ever!), then my car broke down and they once again stepped up to the plate, then some friends offered provide for me to spend time with another friend before a long (and I expect difficult) separation.

It makes me very nervous to be on the receiving end of gifts. I love giving gifts, but I always feel awkward and uncomfortable taking them - especially when there is no way in Hades that I can repay.

As I thought through why this is, it dawned on me that this is also how I view my friend and Heavenly Father. He often wants to give me gifts and blessings - all the way from unexpected sunshine to opportunities that are beyond my wildest imaginations.

Yet, every time, I resist the impulse to take His gifts graciously. Similar to my friends and family, I say "No, I won't let you do that for me. I'll figure out a way to give myself that same thing. And if I can't, if I'm not self-sufficient enough to make it happen, then I don't deserve it."

When I say that, when I respond in that way, I don't realize until far too late that I'm hurting the person who longs to give to me.

How much more, I wonder, do I hurt God when I reject His gifts and try to claim self-sufficiency?



"Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow." (James 1.17)

Summer

It's my first day of summer. At least, according the Multnomah calendar. What am I doing? - laying in bed blogging. And it's raining. 

All of these things are not what I expected summer to be like. I expected SUNSHINE (is that too much to ask for? It IS summer...); I expected to have a job (still none on the horizon); I expected to have more of life together (nope - life is falling apart). 

But God quietly whispered, "AM I not still in control? Do I not have your best interests in mind? Don't you know I love you?" 

And to be honest, I don't remember. When things are falling apart around me and I just want to hide out, I fail to think of the promises of the Lord. 

Lord, help me to remember that You DO have my best interests in mind and that You ARE still in control. Cause I won't remember it if you don't help. 

In other news, I'll be in  Missouri next week. And Tennessee the week after. Praise Yah!

Talk Thursday // Life, Love, and Other Mysteries

Sometimes we ask questions that have no answers. 

"Why is the sky blue?" 

"Why are there mosquitos?"

"Which came first - the chicken or the egg?"

Those questions aren't terribly pressing for most of us. But this one... this one is.

"Why does God let bad things happen to good people?" 

You know, Job asked this same question. Well, maybe not Job himself, but the author of the book of Job. He wondered this very thing. 

And God didn't answer it. He confronted Job and said, "I made everything. I made the rain fall and the grass grow and the eagle fly. Have you seen those mountains? I AM bigger than those mountains. I AM bigger than your mind can comprehend. I AM GOD."

But He goes on remind us, "I AM GOD. And I love you. I loved you so much and wanted  a relationship with you so much that I sent My Son to die for you. So we could be together. That's how much you mean to Me."

In the midst of that, He doesn't explicitly answer the question of justice, of right or wrong, good or bad. 

But He said He loves us. He loves you. He loves me. 

And in the end, He going to make it alright. Justice will prevail. This life sucks. But the future... that's going to be one kick-ass party. 

My question has never been "Why do bad things happen to good people?" 

Until now. 

So what's your question? What weighs on your mind as you contemplate life, love, and other mysteries?

And check out this blog; it just happened to come at the right time. 

Go

"You cannot stay where you are and go with God." - Henry Blackaby

Mentally? Emotionally? Spiritually? Physically?

This is a thought I avoid. I don't want to be real with God, with you, with my family. But God is saying "Sarah, you cannot stay where you are and go where I want you to go." 

I really feel like He is saying that I need to stay where I am physically, but I need to be moving spiritually, mentally and emotionally. Great adventures around the world sound so much better and awesomer. But sometimes He doesn't work like that. He knows where we are and where we need to go. 

Where are you? Where does God want you to go? Are you going to go?

Theology Makes My Brain Hurt...

Let's play a game! It's called "Which One of These Words Sounds Like a Cuss Word?"

Is it:

A) Eschaton/eschatological

B) Parousia

C) Dispensationalism

D) Ecumenism

E) Premillenialism

If you guessed the ever elusive, F) All of the Above! you win!!!! Congratulations!!!!

In my head right now, all of those words sound like cuss words. Mostly because when I read them, it makes my brain hurt, which in turn makes me crabby. Being crabby makes me cuss. Therefore, the above words = cuss words for Sarah. 

Exegetical used to be my cuss word of choice. Now there's more. What are these New Testament guys doing to me?! (Yeah, that's right Dr. Reeves - I'm callin' you out.)

Ok, I'm going to ecumenically get back to premillenialism studying my dispensational reading for eschaton tomorrow. Parousia.

Lent

I recently told you guys that I was celebrating Febarple again due to my crazy intake of Dr. Pepper. 

The problem is that I also celebrate Lent. I want to give up something that means something. Not just give something up for the sake of the season or because it's not that hard to stay away from. Like, I can't say "Oh, I'll give up watching robot movies for Lent and that will be my fast." That's ridiculous. I can't give up something if I never do it in the first place. Jesus doesn't like that. 

But, since Lent starts TODAY and I'm still not sure what would be good (and the Lord isn't sharing His thoughts), I thought I'd ask ya'll for some advice. What would you give up for Lent? Are you giving up anything at all?

Happy Lenten Season! =)

Hell

vul⋅ner⋅a⋅ble

    [vuhl-ner-uh-buhl] 

–adjective

1.	capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt, as by a weapon: a vulnerable part of the body.

2.	open to moral attack, criticism, temptation, etc.: an argument vulnerable to refutation; He is vulnerable to bribery.

3.

(of a place) open to assault; difficult to defend: a vulnerable bridge. "I learned that being vulnerable doesn't mean being weak." - Anne Hathaway This is the sarahlewie.blogspot.com word of the day.  It is the bane of my miserable existence;  it makes me tired and upset; and it is something that I have to deal with.  Immediately.  Before it eats me alive.  I am scared to death.

Vague

I just need to say that I'm hurt and tired of being hurt. 

I long for things I cannot have. Not now, maybe not ever. 

Prayer makes me EXTREMELY uncomfortable. 

Being vulnerable makes me tired and I don't like doing it.

I wish God would stop with this "already/not yet" business and change me immediately to what He wants me to be. 

I wish there was no struggle. 

I am more annoyed with myself now because this was all about me when there are much bigger things going on in the world. 

Sorry for the vague post. I needed to emotionally vomit. Hope that's ok with ya'll. If not, well, come back tomorrow. I'll have something happier up then. 

Less Like Scars

it's been a hard year
but i'm climbing out of the rubble
these lessons are hard
healing changes are subtle
but every day it's...

less like tearing, more like building
less like captive, more like willing
less like breakdown, more like surrender
less like haunting, more like remember

and i feel You here
and You're picking up the pieces
forever faithful
it seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
but You are able
and in Your hands the pain and hurt
look less like scars and more like Character

less like a prison, more like my room
it's less like a casket, more like a womb
less like dying, more like transcending
less like fear, less like an ending

and i feel You here
and You're picking up the pieces
forever faithful
it seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
but You are able
and in Your hands the pain and hurt
look less like scars

just a little while ago
i couldn't feel the power or the hope
i couldn't cope, i couldn't feel a thing
just a little while back
i was desperate, broken, laid out,
hoping You would come

and i need You
and i want You here
and i feel You
and i know You're here
and You're picking up the pieces
forever faithful
it seemed out of my hands, a bad, bad situation
but You are able
and in Your hands the pain and hurt
look less like scars and more like Character

Thanks Sara Groves, for verbalizing exactly where i am...one year from removed from everything i knew at the time. Thank You, God for your faithfulness and Your wonderous love that i can't begin to fathom.

Even if God nor i wanted the scars in the first place, at least they are proving to develop hopefully godly character in this long-dormant heart.

Honesty

I doubt the validity of my faith.

I doubt the historicity of Biblical texts.

I doubt the inerrancy of the Bible.

I doubt that my prayers get heard.

I doubt that God loves me the way He says He does.

I doubt that life will one day be ok.

I doubt that God's love is never-ceasing.


I don't want to doubt. Doubt Him, doubt others, doubt myself. But I do. And some days I feel helpless to stop it.

Does this make me less of a Christian? Does it mean that God is pissed because of me and my distrust? Often that feels true. But in spite of my doubt and my questions and my antagonism, God still remains true and I just need to hold onto that.


But some days it's just harder to believe.

Truth for Today

"Come stand in it with a past you can’t fix and a future you can’t look at without grimacing and I will comfort you in this very moment."

I stole this off this blog. It was talking about just being in the presence of God, delighting in the immeasurable gift that is His presence.

That most assuredly was something I needed to hear today.

Already freaking not yet

"Then I will make up to you for the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the creeping locust, the stripping locust and the gnawing locust, the great army which I sent among you. You will have plenty to eat and be satisfied and praise the name of the Lord your God, who has dealt wondrously with you; then My people will never be put to shame. This you will know that I am in the midst of Israel, and that I am the Lord your God, and there is no other; and My people will never be put to shame." (Joel 2.25-27)

Anyone else ever feel like there have been locusts that have come through and just destroyed you? I feel like that a lot. In fact, I feel like that tonight. I spent the better part of my drive home begging God to take away the pain of the locusts' destruction. I want to know why I still struggle, why the locusts remain in my memory? Why can't they just be nothing more than the smallest of memories? I've repented; I've turned back to the Lord. So why? I want to be vindicated. I want to be restored fully. I want to feel that joy/satisfaction/redemption. And it sucks that it's not like that right now.

But Joel 2 reminded me that YHWH is doing that. He's done it. The curse of disobedience was broken on the cross. But it's an ongoing process. Which sucks too. YHWH promised to make up to His people the pain, the misfortune, the destruction they endured in disobedience due to their repentant hearts. If He promised it for the people of Judah, I think it's possible for us too.

Just a Paragraph

So I'm working on my application for seminary (yes...it's true...grad school), and in the midst of the "general biography" section, there was a question.

Describe your salvation experience and your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Then they proceed to give me three lines in which to explain all this. My first thought: how in the wizzle do I put all that into three lines?! You can't write really, really tiny or else the old people who read the applications can't read it. And they don't give you the opportunity to attach another piece of paper (and believe me, in other places, they give PLENTY of opportunities!). This application has to look classy, refined, mature, academic. Which leaves me with one choice: to reveal all that is my spiritual experience (i.e. my whole life) in a paragraph.

What are they thinking?!

At any rate, I attempted it. Trying to verbalize an entire lifetime with the Almighty is like trying to....do...something....really, really...difficult. (Sorry, my metaphorical outlet is on vacay today.)

How would YOU answer that question in a paragraph? What are your stories?


My feeble attempt (and I still may have to write small):

I was baptized at age 6. My mother says it was because I claimed Jesus was my best friend and I was at a Billy Graham crusade, but I honestly cannot remember. I grew up attending church and all church-related functions, assuming that because I did this, God and I were alright. It was not until late into high school that I realized "church Sarah" and "not-church Sarah" were not the same person. It was then that I remember truly surrendering my life to the Lord and knowing He was the Lord of my heart. Since then my relationship with Christ has waxed and waned. There are moments when His presence is palpable; other moments I feel almost like I've never experienced Him. In spite of my feelings, however, He has remained faithful. I am ever-learning more about Him, His nature, His work in the world and He is ever-guiding me to live in the Spirit. Sometimes I listen, but more often than not, I don't. But He, as always, remains by me, shaping me to be a person who desires His heart.

A coward. And a scalliwag.

Okay...maybe not a scalliwag. But definitely a coward.

This week has been "LifeShare" week. I signed up to be intentional and bold with my faith and my speech. We prayed together for courage and boldness and I was pumped.

Then it got personal.

The challenge was to invite a friend to church. Either the internet church or the one we attend personally.

And I chickened out. Like a little girl.

See, being bold isn't so hard when it's people I can't see face-to-face. It's not so hard when I know those of you who read this. It's not so hard when I don't have to ask you questions and face awkward moments.

It's hard when you have to ask a friend to engage in something very personal and very intimate and very inciting.

All they can say is no. I guess if they wanted to, my friends could punch me in the face for asking. But I doubt it. There is no risk on my life; all there is the potential for a little weirdness.

There is however, risk on their's if I don't speak the Truth, if I don't allow opportunities for the Lord to work.

Yesterday, my pastor said "Bravery isn't the absense of fear; it's doing something in spite of being afraid." I can't be bold or intentional in my life, in my words, in my relationships if I live in fear of what could happen.

So, please pray for me. That I'll let the Lord's braverism (yes, it's a word) work through me to be obedient to Him. And I'll be praying for you that you'll be bold and intentional in your life as well.

Church on the Web? What?!

The Internet is a funny thing. It's only been around for barely a generation, yet it's become a HUGE part of life. I know that if I don't check my Facebook/blog/Gmail/Xanga on a regular basis, I get a little panicky.

So here we are. Doing an aspect of life in the binary world. Yes, there are real people on the other sides of these screens, but for all practical purposes, the web is an outlet, an extension of a culture - not who we are, but maybe what we want to be.

Which makes it difficult sometimes to live life. I'll be honest, it's MUCH easier for me to tell the internet how I feel about some situation or internal conflict than it is to tell another person. I can edit my thoughts until they come out sounding pretty decent (I think). There's little stammering and I can make whatever point I want without interruption.

But my hope for this blog (and for a community of bloggers) is to live life intentionally. There are blogs I read everyday that shout community, reality, honesty, authenticity and love from every post.

So how to do we, as a web-community, do that here? Not forsaking the community of the people we actually live with, but also having purpose and passion here. How does that work? Can it?

Well, some of the people over at LifeChurch.tv are trying something new. They want to develop authenticity and community in this space that so many of us give so much time to. For the next week, they are hosting church via the Web. Weird? A little. But it's reaching people that may not normally go to "real-life" church.

The message is Jesus Christ and Him resurrected. This is just a new way to do it.

Starting tonight @ 8pm, CST, check out LifeChurch.tv. Engage in the worship, listen to the sermons, chat with people worshipping the same God all over the world.



Is this too much? Cool? What do you think?

Freedom. Beauty. Truth. Love.

I hate to tell you all this, but I signed us all up for something. You didn't really get a say. I'd apologize, but I'm not really sorry.

Starting next Wednesday, September 17th through September 24th, we're doing something different.

Something big.

Something awesome.

When I find out new details, I'll let you know.

But if you want to hear the "skinny" now, visit this guy's blog.

Let's rock this interweb for the glory of the Lord.

It's gonna be cool. You won't want to miss it. I promise.

=)

~S~

Chomping at the Bit

I love figures of speech (FIG's, if you will). And this one is my new favorite expression. Mostly because I feel like I am doing just that. Although, in doing so, I'm metaphorically a horse. Which may or may not be a great thing...

At any rate....

Have you ever been in a place where you feel...purposeless? I don't even know if that's a real word, but that's how I feel.

I file.

I play online.

I go to bed.

I file.

I play online.

I go to bed.

Over and over and over and over and over......

I complain about not having time that's "my own", but honestly, I don't know what I'd do if I had that time. I have nothing to work on. No papers to write, nothing to prepare for, no agenda to keep.

So, I live "chomping at the bit", pining for a project or a purpose. (That was lot of 'p's...) I read tons of books with nowhere to file that information. And if I write papers without a class behind it, I just look like a dork.

And it wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't already been feeling this for over a year now.

God, don't You have a plan? Isn't there something I could be doing? If there is, can You please show me? Cause I'm tired of resting. I'm ready to rock the casbah. Let's kick this pig!