Monday, November 24, 2008

Honesty

I doubt the validity of my faith.

I doubt the historicity of Biblical texts.

I doubt the inerrancy of the Bible.

I doubt that my prayers get heard.

I doubt that God loves me the way He says He does.

I doubt that life will one day be ok.

I doubt that God's love is never-ceasing.


I don't want to doubt. Doubt Him, doubt others, doubt myself. But I do. And some days I feel helpless to stop it.

Does this make me less of a Christian? Does it mean that God is pissed because of me and my distrust? Often that feels true. But in spite of my doubt and my questions and my antagonism, God still remains true and I just need to hold onto that.


But some days it's just harder to believe.

5 comments:

Cary said...

i think the acknowledgement of our doubts and frustrations show our desire for real, lasting Truth.

Sometimes I wonder if there really isn't a difference between a "good" Christian and a "bad" Christian. I think it, at the core of it all, we're all sinners given grace. Most of us are trying hard to live up to that grace.

I think your questions show that, in your heart of hearts, you want to be a good, solid, faithful and Christ-like woman.

We all have doubts. Just yesterday, I woke up and was pretty frank with God about how I didn't really want to read the Bible or go to church that day. Luckily, my very wonderful and Lovely wife convinced me to go. I didn't regret it for a second. But my flesh frequently gets in the way of the Spirit inside me.

It's a constant battle. We have good days and bad.

I think you rock, Sarah. God does too--way more than we can understand. Just know that.

Damn, that was a long reply! sorry about that!

Cary said...

yep.

Michael Gilley said...

Ahhhem. Just wait till you start seminary. : )

I wrote a note on facebook a while back on biblical inerrancy. You should check it out.

In my experience, whatever it's worth, fundamentalism seeks to bottle up questions and doubts whereas intellectualism seeks to question and test all things. I tend to fall towards the intellect side (even as a kid I was known for my questioning abilities, even to an annoyance!). However, I critique both sides on the basis that neither is truly alright with the absence of answers. Questions don't always have to have an answer accompany them. Why can't we be alright (not necessarily comfortable) with mystery, which is God? Why do we feel so often like we must have an answer for everything or every question or doubt lest we fool ourselves into believing we known all that there is because "the Bible told us so."

Be at rest and know you're not alone. Doubts are always fine when you know you're not alone. You have an entire community, family, who are questioning right along with you. Dr. Colin Brown, one of the best professors I've had thus far, once told me that God commanded us to love him with all of our heart, self, and mind. We are to use our minds to further our love of God not simply by assuming all is right and good but by testing what we hear and say.

Chris.Maples said...

Though sometimes, without doubt, we "make excuses for the wind".

I think God gave us doubt a wonderful gift.

Though, somedays it's easier to say that than others. ;)

Jamie said...

thanks for posting this. sometimes i have doubts too, except instead of admitting it to myself and God , i deny my doubt because it scares me.

by the way, if you happen to be downtown on sunday between 7 am and 10ish, be sure to wave to me- i'll be the one with the running shoes!