Monday, February 2, 2009


I just need to say that I'm hurt and tired of being hurt. 

I long for things I cannot have. Not now, maybe not ever. 

Prayer makes me EXTREMELY uncomfortable. 

Being vulnerable makes me tired and I don't like doing it.

I wish God would stop with this "already/not yet" business and change me immediately to what He wants me to be. 

I wish there was no struggle. 

I am more annoyed with myself now because this was all about me when there are much bigger things going on in the world. 

Sorry for the vague post. I needed to emotionally vomit. Hope that's ok with ya'll. If not, well, come back tomorrow. I'll have something happier up then. 


Michael Gilley said...

Oh Sarah, only you would put it as "emotionally vomit." Is it as bad as hearing "I love you?"

I should call you sometime. We haven't talked in ages and this makes me sad. BTW, I read a chapter in my mystics book tonight about being bored or put up with God. It's a pretty good book. If you were interested I could get you the info on it. It cost less than 10 bucks.

JD and Jen said...

let it all out. you'll feel better. just make sure that if it's going to come out both ends, to make your choices wisely. no one likes cleaning up either.

Jamie said...

Hi! I wish I had something to say that would be emotional Emetrol, but I'm still in the middle of trying to come to terms with "now but not yet" and I struggle with it daily.

Being broken & vulnerable is really exhausting for sure. I just have to keep thinking that the restoration Christ offers through this brokeness is worth it.

To quote the deep, insightful lyrics of Ingrid Michaelson...

"I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok...I just want to be ok today" (emphasis my own!)

TenaciousT said...

I have decided that in my life, rainbows will never come before nasty storms. Whenever exciting things are about to happen, really really sucky things happen first. I guess to make me appreciate the awesome thing more... whatever.

Anonymous said...

I love you. That is all.

Chris.Maples said...

Just so you know, I said I love you before I read this post.

And now I'll say it after.

I loves me some Sarah Lewie.

Mmmhmmmm. Less-than-three.

Anonymous said...

It sounds like you are tired of waiting for harvesttime in your life. God's timing is a mystery yet His Word promises that He will not be late, not one single day.

"But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! They will not be overdue a single day!" (Habakkuk 2:3 TLB).

Trust Jesus, keep your eyes on Him.
You have so much life ahead of you and unique gifts to share and grow...IT'S ALL PART OF YOUR JOURNEY so, enjoy!

Anne L.